Descriptions

I was thinking today of how I would describe myself to others. I mean seriously looking at me never in a million years would you even think I would be one of those girls with nipples pierced... or submissive for that matter.

I am dominant in my home, mamma lion when I need to be. I run the house... while he is more quiet. The more I run the house, the more I need to be submissive in the bedroom. I hate being in charge and the consistency that is needed to make sure things get done.

If I don't get the dominance in the bedroom then I get cranky and withdraw. I still try to do my best but I feel like I lose myself. I get more depressed and loose interest in sex. Lose interest in taking care of myself... the hair grows and I no longer beg for him to help me take care of it cuz I cease to care. Ok so sex no longer feels as good... and I dont care. I stop taking care of the panty line, its like if he doesn't care why should I?

A few days ago during sex I lay there as he tried to make his way to the promised land to be met by hair resistance, it hurt cuz of hair tugging, and I didn't feel his skin on mine with the hair blocking, and I couldn't understand why he wasn't annoyed with it.

So I fall and get depressed and the want for sex declines.... actually I have trouble getting off, eventually bringing myself out of depression by getting lost in my fantasies, which brings back some of the sex drive.

So...

I need to be dominated on a regular basis to keep myself in check.
I need it more when I am stressed because it makes me forget everything else that is going on and kind of grounds me... grounds me with him.

I can be happy with vanilla... but only if I am taking care of my own needs. Sometimes it scares me cuz I get kinkier and kinkier in order to get off though.

Some day I will get older and wont give a shit right?

He is totally wonderful and amazing in bed when he wants to be... I think he gets to tired for the extra stuff... or something... I dunno.

However we tried to do anal a few days ago and I couldn't do it. I just wasn't there... and felt so unkempt and undesirable... I couldn't relax and do it.

Right now I am in my fantasy stage, and orgasms actually are easier and take my breath away... aka I feel like masturbation again. Today in my head by body was bound with a O ring gag... every hole at his disposal and I got off to the thought of him fucking my ass and chewing on a nipple.

:)

Rewinding time

"I don't think I want to tie you up" was his comment. He didn't understand at all. It took me showing him what the bonds meant for him to understand. He liked it, but didn't quite understand why.

I tied him up, blindfolded him, and then played with his body for awhile... if there is one thing he likes it is blow jobs.... but I didn't complete it. Instead I brought out the trusted vibrator and pleasured myself, making sure my thigh brushed up against him so he could feel my leg... feel the muscles tense, my thigh shake against his... until my moans deep in orgasm take over, and he is muttering words of tremendous want... as I reach over and untie his bonds, and he climbs on me and shows me what he has stored up for me.

That was getting the feet wet, not in bondage really but in teasing someone while bound. It took awhile to get more brave and tell him how I wanted more, some of it brought on by his own ties and love for patterns of rope on my body.

Until him I was slightly submissive and my more kinkier fantasies revolved around women to be honest. He changed me a lot... I became more submissive and more wanting of tastes of deeper things. Perhaps not all the time but it was kind of needed. Because if he doesn't give it to me my own head will... to fill a void. In having to fill the void myself I pull away from him some, because I feel unwanted.

masturbation can be a great friend

Whatcha thinking about?

He asked me that... and I gotta say my answer was nothing compared to what he was thinking about.

Sir, "I was thinking about sticking a finger up your ass and whipping your butt, and how tight your ass would squeeze my finger"


ummmmmm ok

now I am thinking of that too

*squirms*

A whore is a whore

I can be a journal whore sometimes, run if you don't like it :P

I am laying here thinking about Wednesday. My job was to make sure I was wet and lubed up, ready to go for any hole. I got ready for him to come home from work by jumping in the shower, extra time lathering up and even slipping a finger in my ass a couple of times.

The feelings later, grabbing the ky and smearing it on my pussy... then putting some on my finger and working it up my ass... not once but 3 times. I wondered what he would think if he was watching me do it. I think before fantasies took over my head when I would touch myself, now I have visions of him watching me getting off in various ways. Last week when I was masturbating it was almost a sin to just use the vibrator and get a quickie, he would want me to do something interesting to tell him about... so my head works on new things, delicous things.

However, I would like to know when I become such an ass whore cuz I want it all the damn time it seems.

Realizations

I worked on our contract, which of course got me very wet and thinking of waking him... I want to, I want to show him the contract and have him belt my ass with welts for waking him up so late when he has to work in the morning and.. and..... I dont want him to let me cum, I want him to make me wait till he is ready for it... to enjoy not giving me what I want.

He created the bondage monster in me.

Uncomfortable in ones body, that is me... when he ties me up it isn't about what I want, its what he wants. I cant stop him from anything. Expose my sex and make comments and I squirm. Blindfolded with the lights on knowing he is taking in every part of me, and I have no choice is amazing.

Dont even get me started on what it feels like to get a backrub and then feel his fingers trace circles around my ass and slowly push it in watching me pucker around him.... later his thumbs slip in my ass spreading me.

Slow, not giving me what I want... I love that. Torment me... pretend you dont want me while I am spread open and tied for your viewing pleasure, yes my wonderful Owner, that is your fault too from the first time you tied me and left the room with the vibrators inside me making me cum over and over... propped on that pillow that seemed to turn so damn hard under me when my nipples turned like little hard rocks that where pierced. Laying on them when I am that horny hurts so bad... or should I say hurts so good and makes me even more wet. Funny part about that night was I didn't know for sure he was gone, I couldn't see. For all I knew he was watching me, watching me hump the vibrator thinking what a nastly little slut I was.

Take me

Take a look inside at the real me inside my head, use me ... but make me wait... beg for that orgasm, I dont want to get everything I want Sir, I want to take everything you want to give me.

*visions of being tied to those ceiling bolts you keep talking about*

What have you learned today pet?

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